The Pacifier
by pikachu203
Summary: Sora and Riku have a new strategie for eliminating Organization XIII, turning them all into babies! Larxene and Roxas are forced to take care of the infants after this occurance.


**The Pacifier**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing**

** I came up with the idea for this while babysitting my little cousin Athena, so this is dedicated to her, as she did half of the stuff in it to me! Rated T for cursing and slight inappropriate things.**

Roxas came back from his mission incredibly tired and confused at why he hadn't seen Axel or Xion at all today. When he did come in, Larxene ran up to him breathing heavily, "Hey, twerp! We've got a problem!"

He ran after her into the Gray room, where to his surprise, all of the other organization members had been turned into babies. Yes, babies. All of them were sitting around in little jackets, nearly destroying the place. Roxas ran over to the table and picked up Axel before he walked off of it. Larxene picked up little Xaldin and put him on a couch. Roxas asked, "How does this even happen!?"

Larxene sighed, "Sora got creative."

"How?" Roxas asked.

Larxene shouted, "Well don't friggin' ask me!"

Roxas yelled out, "Don't curse in front of the babies!"

Saix giggled and clapped.

Axel summoned one of his chakrams. Roxas said nervously, "No, no, no, no, no you could take someone's eye out with that!"

Axel chucked it across the room and it got stuck in Xigbar's eye. Larxene groaned, "You idiot," and ran off to get the eye patch.

Xion grabbed the side of Roxas's coat and tugged on it. He put Axel down and knelt down next to her, "Hi."

She tugged at the sleeve of his jacket. "What is it?"

She looked upset and since he was out of ideas, Roxas called his key blade and held it above her head. She grabbed at it, so he put it lower and she grabbed it right out of his hand, hugging it. Roxas sighed, "You know what? You can keep it."

Next, Zexion started to sob loudly. Roxas grabbed him and held him, "No, Zexion, don't cry. Please don't cry! I'm running out of keyblades."

Larxene sighed, finished tying the eye patch onto Xigbar and grabbed Zexion from him, "Give me that, you're terrible at this!"

Larxene held him gently and sang to him quietly, "Just close your eyes; the sun is going down. You'll be alright; no one can hurt you now. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound. Don't you dare look out your window, darling everything's on fire. The war outside our door keeps raging on. Hold on to this lullaby, even when the music's gone, gone. Just close your eyes. You'll be alright. Come morning light, you and I'll be safe and sound."

Roxas's mouth nearly hit the floor, "H-how?"

Larxene put the sleeping Zexion down on the couch, before turning on Roxas, "If you tell _anyone _about this, I swear you're going to wake up tomorrow with your keyblades up your ass, in Bermuda, very confused and with only one foot."

Roxas nodded, "But how?"

"It's called being a girl," Larxene replied, "We have natural maternal instincts."

They heard a loud noise and a really bad smell filled the air. Roxas asked, "What is that smell!?"

Larxene sighed cracking her knuckles, "Haven't you ever seen a baby before? They poop in their diapers."

"Meaning…."

"One of our colleagues just shit their pants," Larxene said.

"Well how do we tell?" Roxas asked, laughing.

Larxene sniffed the air and carefully picked up Marluxia under one arm, holding her nose with the other, "Zombie! If we're going to make this work you have to go to Radiant Garden and buy stuff."

"What kind of stuff?"

"Diapers," Larxene muttered, "milk, formula, baby powder. Anything labeled baby, okay? Is that too much for your brain to handle? We don't want the whole castle smelling like baby Marluxia crap."

"Crap," Xemnas repeated, banging a sword against a window.

"And take one of them with you! I don't want to be stuck here with all of them!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"NO!"

"Look you know how normal babies are! All they do is eat and cry and not sleep and poop! Imagine a nobody baby! They eat more and they cry more and they poop more and they NEVER sleep!"

"How do you know all of this," Roxas asked.

"Never mind, you idiot!"

Roxas sighed. He'd changed into his Twilight town outfit to fit in more. He now had a small basket filled with two gallons of milk and a box full of diapers. He was now looking up, there was the baby formula, but he couldn't quite reach it. He stood on the tips of his toes and reached for it, "Oh why do they have to make these shelves so high?"

"Here," a girl said, handing the box to him.

"Thanks," Roxas muttered turning to her, "thirteen babies is a lot to handle…"

"Thirteen! Wow! That's a lot of siblings," Kairi chuckled.

Wait a second that was Kairi! His somebody's friend. "They're my cousins. I have a big family," he lied awkwardly.

Just then, his phone rang and Larxene screamed from the other side, "Where are you!? No, Lexaeus, don't eat that! Get back here or you're dead."

"Okay, okay I'm coming…"

Baby Saix smacked Roxas's leg and he picked him up, annoyed, "Did you follow me here?"

Saix punched his nose with a tiny fist, "goo…"

Kairi giggled, "Aw, what a cute baby," she picked him up and he grabbed her hair and started sobbing, "What'd I do?"

Roxas sighed, "Can you turn to the window? He's kind of obsessed with the moon."

"Oh," Kairi said turning towards the window, Saix reached towards it, smiling.

"Sorry, Kairi, I really gotta go."

"How do you know my name," Kairi asked.

"Ummm…." Roxas grabbed Saix and the basket and ran, accidentally stealing 200 dollars' worth of merchandise.

Larxene was incredibly annoyed by the time Roxas got back with Kairi, "Why did you bring _her_ with you?"

"She's here to help us with the babies."

"Alright then," Larxene tapped her on the shoulder, "Welcome to the fold."

Axel started sobbing and Kairi picked him up, "Aw! You're adorable!"

Axel kept crying and Larxene grabbed Luxord, who was banging on the window and pointing out at Kingdom Hearts, "Look, you two go feed the baby pyro and I'll take care of the diaper situation."

Axel burped up a fireball.

The smell in the room was starting to get worse, so the two of them agreed.

Kairi dug around the cabinets while Roxas was sitting and trying to entertain Axel with his other keyblade by dangling it over his head and having him reach for it like a cat. Roxas chuckled, "I'm finally taller than you, huh?"

Kairi sighed, "You think Axel's old enough to feed himself yet?"

Roxas shrugged, "I don't know."

She dug around Roxas's basket next, staring at the directions to make formula. Roxas asked, "How do babies eat normally?"

"You need a bottle, which we don't have."

Neither of them were paying attention to Axel, who had walked onto the countertop, grabbed a slice of pizza that was leftover from the last night's dinner and starting nibbling on it.

Kairi said, "Let's see, three cups of milk," she took out a glass and a measuring cup, "but which one is a cup?"

"I think it's that one," Roxas muttered, pointing at the glass.

"What about the other one," Kairi asked.

"No," Roxas muttered, "I think that it's for measuring Luxord's rum. I wouldn't trust it around a baby."

"Yeah, good point," muttered Kairi dropped three glasses of milk into an empty water bottle.

"Two teaspoons of powder," Roxas read off the side of it.

Kairi opened a cabinet to find thousands of different items of silver cutlery, "Which one of these is a teaspoon?"

Roxas shrugged and picked up an incredibly tiny spoon, "We can try this one."

Kairi picked up a serving spoon, "No, this one."

"This one!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

"No!"

"Yes!"

Axel belched loudly, a cabinet set aflame and they turned to see Axel with pizza sauce all over his face, holding the crust. Kairi giggled, picking up Axel and grabbing a towel to wipe off his face, "Well that answers my question."

When she was finished she handed Axel back to Roxas, where he fell asleep. Roxas smiled, "You know, we're not that bad at this."

"Maybe if it was only one baby," Larxene replied from the door.

Xaldin was hanging on the ends of her coat, Marluxia was on her head, she had Zexion and Xion on one arm and Luxord and a sobbing Saix on the other. Lexeaus crawled after her, and Xigbar was on her left shoulder; Xemnas was on her right. Demyx was grabbing onto those antennae thingies Larxene has sticking out of her hair.

Kairi sighed, "I knew it couldn't possibly be that easy…"

Larxene put Saix down on the table next to a window. Saix crawled to the window and stared at Kingdom Hearts. Demyx jumped into the sink and turned on the water. Lexeaus plopped himself down near the refrigerator, refusing to move. Marluxia grabbed the chandelier and hung their giggling. Zexion was put down on the countertop, where he was still asleep and hadn't woken up. Xion crawled off her arm and onto the countertop next to Roxas where she made a little sound and Roxas smiled at her. Xigbar was playing with a laser gun and every once in a while someone would see a random red dot in the middle of their forehead. Xemnas hung from the refrigerator handle, making monkey noises. Roxas realized something in surprise, "Wait a minute, where's Vexen?"

Vexen replied from the door, "I'm right here, kid."

"Kid?!"

"I was referring to the rather miniscule individuals all around here. I am pleased to inform you that I can turn all of them back to normal," Vexen replied.

Roxas replied, "THANK GOD!"

Vexen patted him on the shoulder, "Don't be so lugubrious."

The next morning all of the organization members woke up back in their normal bodies in random places around the kitchen. Axel yawned, one of his arms was in the cabinet, and Xion was curled up next to him, asleep. Marluxia was hanging limply from the chandelier, and when he woke up, he shrieked and fell face-first into the floor. Zexion woke up rolled his eyes, put his book over his face and muttered, "Axel, you dog…"

"What!?" Axel asked, his voice cracking, because he'd just gone through puberty again.

Xigbar chuckled, jumping down from his perch atop the cabinets, "I knew you liked Xion, but dude!"

Axel's eyes widened, "No I don't!"

Saix chuckled, holding up a camera, "Say cheese! This is going all over my tumblr!"

Axel jumped up, his voice still cracking, "I swear I didn't do anything! Leave me alone!"

Xemnas sat up slowly, one hand opening the refrigerator, "Ah, I remember when I liked a girl…"

Axel turned bright pink and ran off. Xion sat up, "What's up?"

Xemnas smiled, taking a swig of a coca-cola, "Ah, memories."

"What memories sir?" asked Lexeaus, who was still sitting on the floor.

Xemnas's eyes flashed blue for a moment, "None of your business."

Xion yawned, "What?"

Axel bolted down the hallway, "Axel," asked Roxas as he bolted by him.

"Leave me alone," Axel screamed, running off down the hallway.

"I'm sure that'll go well," Kairi muttered.

**The end**

** Okay then, I hope that was okay. This is my first story, so please don't flame me. Reviews are welcome though.**


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